I fell in love yesterday

The more I think about it, I realize it’s true. I think I’ve fallen and I’ve fallen for you.

Yesterday I took the hike over the Ben Franklin Bridge into New Jersey to see a school. All I really wanted to do was go there and get a feel for the place so that I could put some emotion and honesty into my article…I did not expect to fall in love.

Crazy thing is, while I was there I met someone. He was amazing and compassionate. The care he showed for everyone was outstanding and the way that he left me feeling was unbelievable. The count of his voice was soothing. His height? It varied. Complexion? Ever-changing.

I fell in love with Jesus.

As I walked through the halls of the Urban Promise Schools, I encountered love embodied. The teachers and administration wanted the best for the students and constantly referred to them as their children. I was told that the children would go home after hearing about and meeting Christ and tell their parents about Him. The kids were encouraged constantly to do and be better while the teachers not only chastised (in the most loving parental way) them for their wrong in order for them to see their error and be right but they also praised the good that came from them.

After that experience, I feel that I might be drawn into a service career. While I wanted to serve as a lawyer…and can still do that, I might want to become a teacher too and introduce students who otherwise wouldn’t know it to the love of Christ.

This is by far one of the funniest and most honest books I have ever flipped through. Working in a book store, I do a lot of flipping. One page I flipped to said Christians like R-rated movies that are devoid of sexuality but chock full of violence. THIS SHOOK ME!!!! While it was immensely funny, I thought back on my many Netflix journeys into the land of entertainment and how I will look at the rating description and feel more comfortable if it says it is so rated because of violence but if it says nudity or sexuality I stay away from it.

I often think of the things that I allow my son to watch and how I would prefer to monitor them so I know what he has going into his eye, mind and heart. That process of internalizing visual information does not end when we have gone beyond 4-years-old. It’s still there in all of us and it causes desensitization to things that are against God.

MOVIE DIET!!!

Yea, I think it’s time to cut back on the movies that I watch.

The Skinny on Prayer

True Confession: I drive like a MANIAC!!!!

Well, what can I say, it’s true!!!! I’m not really a fan of sitting behind cars when there is somewhere that I need to be. I mean, isn’t that why we drive? So we can get places a lot faster than we would if we were walking or even riding a bike. Another pet peeve of mine is when someone in the slow lane is driving faster than someone in the fast lane….REALLY?!?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU IN THE FAST LANE????? DRIVE NOW!!!!!

Yea, that all sounded bad right? How impatient and dominating I am on the road. That’s the problem. I really lack patience, especially when it comes to driving. Some call it road rage but mine tends to be more in my head than me actually screaming at or threatening other drivers…or small animals who are just begging to be roadkill. So Olivia, what is the problem? Everyone has their awkward idiosyncrasies, why should you be any different?

Ummmmm because of Christ….that stings. Now, the old man is one that is full of anger, wrath, malice, filthy communication (Col 3:8-9) and that is what I exhibit when I’m in a rush while driving and just neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to get somewhere. But if I recall correctly, God did say be anxious for nothing but instead to pray and be thankful (Phil. 4:6).

So, school is about to start and I know that it will be very annoying trying to get to school on time becuase for some reason, traffic does not seem to bend to my will the way that I feel it should. Ha!!!! The internal and occasional external screaming will be a problem….but NO MORE!!!!! I’m going to trust God even when I’m driving and the unexpected happens.

Change is good 🙂

Selflessness

I have not posted in a while with Christmas preparations and spending time with family, I put the virtual world on hold for a little bit but now I am back.

So as you may know I have been seeking God for myself to learn how to be a woman after his own heart. A word that I have encountered time and time again has been selflessness…..selflessness. I, like most people, am a very selfish person inundated with the images of selfishness as a way of life. To live for myself, to work to get what I want, to claw my way to the top no matter who I have to scratch to get there, have fun at the expense of others. Selfishness is the natural way of life. Shouldn’t that be a clue that I should not be living that way? As a Christian, my life is contra-cultural, peculiar, or at least it is supposed to be. I am supposed to give of myself without regret or regard for what I may feel might be more important to me. If someone else has a need that I can meet even if it means coming out of my comfort zone, I should try and meet it.

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without murmurings and disputing

Another thing I have found about selflessness is how it effects my treatment of God. One example given in The Lost Art of True Beauty was waking up in order to pray. It is a selfish desire to stay up late aimlessly and wake up late the next morning. When I do that, it is likely that I will not spend time with God because I will have to jump up and go about my business. I know that is something that I have to work on. Sleeping. It’s funny how we love sleep so much but when it comes time to rest, it seems like there are so many other fun things to do.

I guess I’ll consider this a challenge to myself. To sleep and wake up on time in order to spend good quality time with God.

A lady knows with whom her allegiance lies – with Christ.

The Meek and Quiet Spirit for the Obnoxiously Loud

The idea or practice of femininity has eluded me for years. it is not that I have never had the desire to pursue Biblical womanhood or be a lady but I just cimply could not grasp what it really meant to be a lady. Over and over I have heard those words uttered to me, “Be a lady,” but that is a hard task to accomplish when you do not know what the end result looks like.

Enter Proverbs 31 woman.

Many times, I have been told that she is the ideal, she is the woman that we should all strive to be. To be honest, she seems pretty unattainable by the means that everyone pushes her with. (People make it seem like getting to the end result of being her simply takes….well, being her. There is no practice involved…one day you wake up as HER….no such luck)

Now, there is the Titus 2 woman

This lady is a teacher, not a learner. In order to teach a subject, you need to have a firm grasp on the material and that I do not have and I can imagine most young women my age do not either. This is another one that seems out of reach.

Well, how about 1 Peter 3:3-4 woman

Meek and quiet huh??? That is totally another end without means…enough said.

Anywaiz, my current endeavor is to find out what it means to be a lady and apply that to my life letting it become who I am and not just a facade that I put on. Why you ask? I really want to be a woman after God’s heart and I feel like that involves finding out what I, being a lady, need to look and act like. I need practical knowledge though, a way to become what He wants me to be. Secondly, my son needs to know what a lady looks like so that when he is ready to pursue a relationship, he will not be walking in blindly like most of us have. He will know what is  good what is bad…not saying that by the end of this I will be perfect but striving for perfection which should also be his wife’s way of life.

Today I sent out a mass text message to some friends asking what a lady looked like. Here’s what I got:

“A female who embraced the beauty and power of femininity and realizes that class and sophistcation go alongwith it. Also one who does not buse previously mentioned power.” – D’Ani

“I think I hold women to the same standard as men. To me it’s about integrity, discipline and caring for others. Holding ourselves to God’s standards with humility and to respect ourselves as well as others.” – Dom H

These are only two of those that I’d received, they’re still coming in.

I’m currently reading the book that is pictured about, The Lost Art or True Beauty by Leslie Ludy. So far it is practical and applicable and that is most certainly what I like.

Anywaiz, I’m gonna go to run errands and such but I feel that God is really going to use this time that I am spending to refine and change me into the woman He wants me to be which is absolutely my greatest desire.

So take me down a notch, eh?

No really, today was interesting. Someone told me something that I truly did NOT expect to hear and it made me feel funny…like really funny. I expected more of him and yea. Too bad! So I went on with my life, still thinking about what he’d told me and then I started to think about myself….well, really, I started thinking about me not too long ago.

Here’s my thought: How do I reflect Christ? What do people see when they look at me? Am I being a good steward of this gift called Christianity? <—-yes, it’s a gift!!! How can I be better?

Hmmmmmm? Guess I just have to slow down and gather these answers as they come.

Really, I don’t want to be stagnant, I want to grow.

Forgiveness…

Have you ever wanted to let someone know that you forgive them? I kind of do right now. There is a person who has hurt me really badly but I have to admit that I set myself up for it and neither of us were really right in the situation. I thought about him today and realized that it’s really not worth it to hold on to it.

Unforgiveness is a killer. You are keeping something inside, holding a grudge, eating yourself up while the other person has not a clue that you even feel that way. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Also, how dare I not forgive him when God forgave me for what I did? Hmmmm that’s just ridiculus now isn’t it? I want to walk in the freedom that I have been allowed, so how come I’m not doing it?

Anywaiz, if you ever read this (or even if you never do), I forgive you.

A note to myself: I forgive you too 🙂

How’s it going?

Something I’ve noticed about these 30 day processes? They are only supposed to last 30 days…what happens after that. I think God kind of convicted me about that telling me that this discovery thing is a life-long process. Not so much in discovering myself but discovering Him and well, in turn discovering me.

Well, it’s going well so far. I mean, I’ve been managing my time better. Not much better but better. My schedule still needs some tweaking, My days are pretty much consumed with class and homework (or at least thinking about homework…that’s not good. Work in progress). I’ve been trying to spend more time with Dylan like learning stuff together and I am honestly frustrated but that’s just something to pray about ya know? The days that I have to work I am trying to do things before or after so I can at least get something done. That’s proven a little hard before as my mind is consumed with thoughts of the day to come. I feel like if I go overboard on anything I will be late for work and I don’t want that but I guess that’s just where time management comes in 🙂

So reading. I’ve been doing pretty well with my Bible reading. I mean I’m starting from the begininng so it’s actually interesting filling in the gaps from the Bible stories most of us have heard as kids but I really wanted like a devotional thing, like a book, as a guide. So at work one day, I went on my quest to find a devotional but I found something entirely different a book called, The Me I Want to Be: becoming God’s best version of you. A little before my break while I was on the register I was thumbing through it and really liked what I was reading. It’s funny because I was looking for a whole other book but then I sat directly in front of this one that is right on topic for me. The gist of it is that when we are the Spirit filled people we were made to be then we act and live the way we are supposed to with joy and hope and love and peace. It’s GREAT!!!! My friend is reading the book too . BOOK CLUB WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I guess that’s really just it for now. I’m really enjoying this journey with Jesus and loving every moment of it.

*My laptop broke so I will be blogging less frequently. I guess that’s something else to pray about huh? LoL

Adieu 🙂

The trouble of time…

Here’s a wonderful issue to address, one that we all have trouble with…well, for the most part: TIME MANAGEMENT.

Ever thought that the way that you spend your time can either glorify or….(what’s the opposite of glorify?) uhhhh not glorify God? I have a huge problem with time for a couple of reasons. First, I’m just really bad with it. I’m a bit of a waster. I mean, I like to do stuff that does not necessarily utilize my time wisely. I’m a little imprudent at times, what can I say? Can’t be but honest when I am trying to improve right? Secondly, my schedule, especially right now, is really weird. For instance Classes are on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:40am and 6:00pm. That gap in the middle seems like a great time to get stuff done right? To be honest not really, all of that time is a little distracting because it seems to present this window of opportunity that really does not exist. As you live within these 4 hours and 5o minutes (the time between the end of my first class, 1:10pm to the beginning of the next), you realize that this is just not that much time. Along with these three days a week encumbered with academia, I have to work. I’ve been trying to get hours for Monday, Friday and Saturday, which is what I have this week thank God, and that takes up another large chunk of my week. Ok here’s a BIG time waster: YOUTUBE!!!! I LoVe YOUTUBE!!! Hair videos, music, so much information that I do not have to read! Just press play. That is such a sad statement for an English Journalism major. My future livelihood is dependent on people reading! How am I supposed to expect others to do it when I won’t? (disclaimer: I love to read!!! I work at a book store, books are a passion but YouTube happened when I went natural. Easy hair info and no real research beyond who’s channel has the best info. Also I do not think I will really do journalism. It’s is more a means to an end but I do like it :-))

Let’s do some math here though. 24 hours a day times 7 days a week makes 168 hours a week. Mmmmk

Class is 15 Hours a week and work is roughly 15-28 hours a week that makes 30 to 43 hours of mandatory occupied time.

LEAVING 125-138 hours of FREE TIME!!!! Are you serious? That’s like a lot granted this does include the 56 hours of sleep I should be getting every week but sometimes that’s a sacrifice that has to be made…although, the Bible does talk about getting an adequate amount of sleep…..ok. I’ll factor that in another time.

So here’s the plan for this week of my 30 day expedition (by the way, this is a 30 day thing starting today), I need to work out a schedule and stick to it. Time with God (first thing in the morning), time with family, time for homework, time for friend’s if necessary (socializing is secondary…sorry). I’ll probably do that after work tonight, maybe during if I have any register time 🙂

Sooooooo here we go.

All to the glory of God, let’s prioritize.