Never been kissed

So this is….great. I feel that there are so many things that we value in relationships and verbal communication is not necessarily one of them. Companionship, comfort, togetherness, etc. But an expression of feelings through words is often overlooked….something I’ve HATED in my past relationships. I felt left in the dark a lot of times because I guess I should have understood through his actions that I was loved, cherished, adored, and so on. I am in no way saying that actions are not needed in a relationship. Just saying it and not having anything to show for your words would be bad too but there needs to be a balance.

We use kisses to convey emotions but what if kissing was not an option? What would you do? I love that the couple featured in the video did not kiss while they were dating. First, I love that they did it in order to remain abstinent. It only makes sense. But I also admire their drive to build their relationship on things beyond physicality.

The funny thing is, this is something that I was thinking about. I know my limitations and weaknesses and I feel that kissing may not be the best thing for me to do in a relationship so this was actually very encouraging.

Maybe I will do this in my next relationship.

We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it until then…

1 Corinthians 7:34

Moving Forward

So sometimes, I think about the things I used to do and who I was years ago and HEY even yesterday.

It’s really incredible where God has brought me and I only want to get closer to Him and continue growing. I LoVe God!!!!

There are those times when I really desire to go back where I was for the sake of the immediate satisfaction that I got but it;s just not worth it and I’m in such a better position right now. I’m so much happier now than I have been…..ever. I have God’s joy. It’s awesome.

I’m not going to leave this GREAT situation I have now and go back to uncertainty for the sake of instant gratification in any form….just not worth it.

Anywaiz, this is the music of the day!!!

Bury me

So I’ve been going through this thing…..like looking back and stuff. Have you ever had one of those day where you feel that it would be easier to go to what you’d left as opposed to living new? I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. It was mainly due to stress with school and life and NOT taking time to lay it on the altar. That’s not helpful, in fact it’s self-defeating.

Anywaiz, things are better now as I’ve been taking time to put Christ in His proper place. When He’s not where He needs to be, there’s chaos in the kingdom so I am glad to let Him reign.

I came across this song like a minute ago. It’s pretty appropriate.

Gotta die to my old ways and serve the King right

You Fail Us Not!!!

Bachelorette Party!!!

So this is it, why I’m not dating anyone while I am in college.

When I was 15 I’d gotten pregnant by a boy who I thought was the end-all-be-all for me. Long story short, HAHAHAHAHA no. We don’t even talk anymore.

College hit, another E-A-B-A situation….yea. Nope. Not at all. “I love you, I like her”

The following year after my college fling, I hooked up with a dude I went to high school with, we were not official but we were “exclusively waiting til we graduated to see what happened.” I was the only one exclusive there. Now his ex and I are pretty good friends. My friends say that I always do that, become friends with the person that a guy has cheated on me with…no reason not to if she didn’t know I was there.

Eeeeenyway. All of these situations have one thing in common: God was not there. These relationships were solely focused on each other and that is really not the way to go. As people we are incomplete, there is a desire for more that we filled with earthly things. For me, it was relationships with guys. For some it may be drugs, alcohol, school, work, anything that can distract you from the pain of emptiness. We are all empty and searching for fulfillment.

I’m finding mine in Christ. I LOVE HIM!!!! He is the only thing that can really give you what you want and NEED without consequence. With guys, there was pregnancy and heartbreak that still lingers occasionally. Because of the pain of one relationship, I was unable to be stable in another hurting another person and myself even more, and then being hurt by them too. In the one that followed, I was lead by someone who made me believe they would never hurt me only to find that they did exactly what they said they would not do. But honestly, God prepared me for this one. He knew it was time to make a change.

Around this same time, my friend showed me the verse 1 Corinthians 7:32b (I guess it would be considered b) saying that the unmarried person concerns themselves with the things of the Lord, learning how to please Him…did my actions please God? Were my relationship blessed? Why did I get into them at all? Were they fillers? Something to think about. I realized that what I’d been doing was wrong and I had to get back with my first Love, my God, My Jesus.

A partial person cannot be satisfied with another partial person…it just does not work that way.

Another reason I am not dating in college is because it is REALLY hard to study when you are on the phone talking about EVERYTHING all the livelong day. I mean, really? Why do we have to talk so much? I’m neglecting my homework. Why aren’t you telling me to do my homework? That is somethings I was always weird about. I made sure guys did their homework and were held accountable and blah, blah, blah but that never seemed to happen for me…except that one time but ummm, that turned out badly too. Funny. I need the time to concentrate on myself and what I need to accomplish. To set boundaries and understand what I can and cannot do. Why do my grades have to be bad because I am dating someone? I mean, that’s bad!!!! Do you really want to marry someone who cannot maintain? Probably not.

I tend to lose track of myself. I begin to take care of everyone but me. Family, baby and boyfriend/friends. I’m not on that list anywhere. I get knocked out of my own priorities. Not good at all. Gotta get it together. Plus, I should not have to take care of someone. We should be mutually looking out for one another so no one is being babied. Oy, getting a headache just thinking about it. There have been times when I was stressed unto sickness over someone. That’s a no no.

Hope this made sense. It’s late, I’m tired but kind of wanted to get this out so I would not have to think about it, then forget about it, etc.

So, in short, I guess there it is. I’d made the promise not to date in college once, fell off of the wagon and jumped back on with renewed purpose. I want to know God and be fulfilled in Him, not having to seek the comfort and love of another but know that I am secure in my Father in Heaven.

He loves me and I want to serve Him wholeheartedly with EVERYTHING I do

Colossians 3:23

(I’ll get into why this is so titled another time…that’s bad journalism man! I know better than that but oh well)

Let’s talk

Not gonna lie to you….I am a little bit upset. I’d just written all of this stuff and then my beloved Talula (my laptop…that’s her name) decided to shut down without warning. Just asked me if I was wanted to save my webpages. I’m just thinking, “Man, I must have pressed something wrong by accident,” but no. Not the case at all. Anywaiz, let’s chat.  I have three things to talk about: Rap session tonight, something that I cannot remember that I hope will come back to me, and what I have learned so far as a none-teenager. Ya ready? Let’s go. OH WAIT, I REMEMBER!!!!! It’s about summer classes. HA

So tonight was my first time attending a House of Chayah rap session. Basically, it is Christian people talking about stuff. Not like frivolously but really getting to the root of some issues. Tonight’s topic was callings and discipleship (remember, this is from the eyes and ears of Olivia Denton. In the event that you were there and you heard something that you found important that I did not record, I am sorry :-). Callings, there are two kinds: primary and secondary. We as Christians often confuse the secondary for the primary since we were never really taught to emphasize the primary and make it our, uh, primary focus but instead misconstrue our secondary calling as the primary. So SIMPLE!!!! Let’s define

Primary: the great commission to go make disciples of the nations. As Christians, we are supposed to preach the gospel without restraint. The give the news of what changed us so that others may be changed not because we did it and now everyone else has to but because we have the truth and we are supposed to share it out of LoVe.

Secondary: ministry (which literally means to serve). We serve as singers, dancers, deacons, janitors, ushers and any other way you can imagine. Oddly enough, I find that these are the things that can be seen and glorified more readily.

Often times, after we get saved, no one is there to guide us (discipleship) and let us know that we need to constantly be in the Word so that when the opportunity to witness presents itself (which happens often), we will have the words to speak as the Spirit leads and brings it back to memory. Instead, we are told that we need to get out there are serve, serve, serve. WHICH IS RIGHT!!!! We are certainly called to serve but that should not be our main focus but to share the gospel and LOVE of Christ.

Ok…..next. SCHOOL is a killer. So I need to take some summer classes, well need is kinda strong but they are a little more necessary than they are optional. NEXT WEEK IS THE LAST WEEK TO REGISTER…Really? Are you serious? Right now when I don’t have a car right? Great….just, great. Well, all I can say is I need to start planning and praying for God to make a way to Media next and the following week (weeks). This should be something.

LASTLY – so I’ve been 20 for over 20 days. I really wanted to post on this topic on the 24th since that would have been exactly 20 days but the power went out due to a lovely storm knocking out everything in sight…not everything. I am exaggerating in my disappointment. Still, 20 for 20+ days. What have I learned? What is new? How do I feel as a whole none-teenage person? The honest answers, I’ve really been experiencing a lot in these past few days. For some reason my brother has been involving me in his activities asking if I would like to attend his basketball game and not being so surprised when I show up at places where he is placing (guitar). In these excursions, I’ve met people. People that are completely in awe of God in the most beautiful way. They submit to Him and to each other, opening themselves up to help and be there for one another. Not too much of that going on these days, it is good to see that it exists. I love watching the Spirit move people to help others, it intrigues me, the kindness. I’m learning to be responsible. There has been this awkward shift in my relationship with someone due to someone else’s presence and I just do not understand it. Really, I don’t. But I realize that I need to pray for both persons A and B so that things will be done correctly and even though we may not see eye to eye on all tactics, we will realize that we are headed in the same direction. I’m letting go of a lot of things. Ummmmm, ya ever have a relationship with someone that just dissipated out of nowhere? Sometimes you try to hold on and other times, you simply let go. Well, I tried to hold on but God pried my fingers off of this person’s leg…painful but totally worth it. Yea, so I’m learning that there are two ways to go: simply letting go when it is time or having God intervene which can turn into a painful lesson. I’m a little tired of this lesson repetition sooooooooo yea. Oh, last thing. So I’m talking to my friend about this guy that I have like the biggest crush on. He’s in LOVE with God (so passionate and his worship is beautiful), he’s funny, he’s smart, he already graduated college with great aspirations, he’s handsome, he’s talented, just an all around sweetheart. Did I mention pretty good with kids? LoL My intention is not to get into a serious relationship until I am finished with college…I just do not see the point anymore to be completely honest but I will do a full post about that another day mmmk? So why am I even bothering to like this guy like this. My friend who is the awesomeness was like, “Well, pray about it. Ask God to take the feelings away if this man is not supposed to be your husband. It really works. Then you can be friends with him.” Funny how we don’t think to pray.

Well, this ended up being longer than I thought it would…..but it was great though. I had an awesome night and I thank God for His motion.

There is none like You

So tonight…..oh, tonight. I did not expect it to be what it was. I just figured I would go to this fund raiser concert, support and see some friends and be finished. But no! That is not what God had in mind.

I really wanted a worship experience, almost a desire for a release and I thought the possibility of it coming from here was there but the idea left me as time came close to the concert.

The atmosphere of surrender was phenomenal. While there were fewer people than I expected, the room was full. The spirit of God and I can only imagine a host of angels joined in as we lifted our hearts to the King. He is sooooooo good and I am soooooo glad

Recently, stress has been following me like a real stalker and it felt as if my prayers were hitting the ceiling. No matter what I did I could not get passed this awkward barrier that felt like serious silence on God’s part and of course it became discouraging. To reach God and feel His presence would have been amazing…but it simply was not happening or at least it did not feel like it was.

But tonight, there was a release. As testimonies, admittance of weakness and cries for the Lord filled the air, the room change from a jazz cafe to a sanctuary. He was welcome and He showed Himself strong. My God, my Father, my Love.

I feel like I’ve been renewed once again. My heart cried in harmony with others as we worshiped the giver of all.

I could go on forever about this one experience. It was perfect. I only pray that this is not simply an emotional, one night kind of thing but that He will continue to usher me into His beautiful, wonderful presence.

My God, my Father, my Love

He is exalted and I will praise Him

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