Can’t Keep Doing This!!!!!

Sooooooo hey there!!!!

Once again, I’ve been on a hiatus from the blog that I really do not deserve. Why don’t you deserve it Olivia??? Well, I don’t blog consistently enough to say that I am tired of it. I’m not. I don’t do it enough to be warn out πŸ™‚ HA!!!!!

Anywaiz, here I am blogging. I’m going to make it kind of quick becuase I have somewhere to be pretty soon.

First off the gym, my body looks like it’s deflated….that’s good by the way but I’m only lost like 2.2lbs. (195.8 – 193.6). People always say not to worry about the numbers but I don’t like those numbers. I mean, I do look drastically different in my clothes (and I wish I had a picture to show you) but the numbers are discouraging.

Ok, secondly, facebook had to go! AGAIN! I was getting tried of it. I feel like I’m not doing anything productive, that people just whine and complain and that I don’t feel like seeing that. I pretty much slowed down on writing statuses because my statuses were always so happy and would stick out like a sore thumb. HA. So for now, adios to the FB.

Third, SATURDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I AM NOW 21!!!!!!! I have a whole separate post about that…it was a weird day and I think I had epiphanies left and right but only one really counted.

Either way, this is the life update.

Peace

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Life

So there are many people out there who have uttered those immortal words, “Life’s what you make it.” Do I agree?

Yes!!!!

There’s been a long period in my life where I just kind of let whatever happened and happen and let it be. While the fact is, you cannot shift life in the direction that you want it to go all the time, you can choose your reaction to it.

It’s Cold Outside: Wear an awesome coat and feel great!!!

You’re not feeling well: Take the day to watch movies and have everyone wait on you hand and foot πŸ™‚ (kidding…to an extent)

New season, need new clothes: Go shopping or go through your closet gathering the “winter bags” full of old things and see what awesomeness you can revamp

These are only a few situations, but still, your view and reaction to the matter is what makes it work or not. Complaining doesn’t help anyone, especially you. You may have a really bad situation right now but they usually get better, in the mean time, enjoy the day and live it to the best of your ability. Take the opportunity to smell the roses before they wilt and thank God that you are alive to witness His majesty through creation.

Welcome to life. It’s in between yesterday and tomorrow.

I hope you enjoy it πŸ™‚

Above and beyond

Being good enough is just not good enough is it?

The other day in my COM class, my professor said, about our class blog, that we can post more than we need to and it would be in our favour to do so. He also stated that being able to do what is required is not enough but that in order to make an impression on people, you’d have to go above and beyond the standards.

I WANT TO GO ABOVE AND BEYOND….but I feel like I can’t. Once again, I need to re-organize my life, make a schedule and stick to it. I know that if I do not, I will waste time and therefore not have any time to go beyond the parameters of a “good job.”

I DONT WANNA DO A GOOD JOB!!!

I’ve always been above average especially in standardized tests but right now in college, when it really matters, I feel like I am barely making it. I have no social life, I go directly to and from class, work, home everyday. Why am I not doing well? What is the root of this problem?

Well, I have a blog due tomorrow morning. After I figure out what the topic is in class, I will be sure to post going above and beyond.

How do I expect to get into law school? I mean really. If there are others out there who are doing what I am and even more competing for the same position as me, how I do expect to get it when another person is just more qualified? Like this whole grad school thing wasn’t hard (and stressful….oh thinking about it has been very stressful!!!) enough.

I think I need to pray.

πŸ™‚

So take me down a notch, eh?

No really, today was interesting. Someone told me something that I truly did NOT expect to hear and it made me feel funny…like really funny. I expected more of him and yea. Too bad! So I went on with my life, still thinking about what he’d told me and then I started to think about myself….well, really, I started thinking about me not too long ago.

Here’s my thought: How do I reflect Christ? What do people see when they look at me? Am I being a good steward of this gift called Christianity? <—-yes, it’s a gift!!! How can I be better?

Hmmmmmm? Guess I just have to slow downΒ and gather these answers as they come.

Really, I don’t want to be stagnant, I want to grow.

So far, so great :-)

Well, I am excited!!! To be honest, I am kind of pumped to be taking summer classes. I just like the idea of learning. It makes me feel good. Another thing that I have been loving recently is that I am now a junior in college. WHAT??? ARE YOU SERIOUS??? A JUNIOR??? DIDN’T I JUST GET HERE???

I guess not πŸ™‚ I’m pumped. So I’ve been tweaking my life plan again. I tend to do that every now and then. The first was to become a CNA and then a nurse before law school. The second, to become a teacher through the Teach for America program before law school. I came up with both of these plans talking to lawyers. One was an assistant DA in Media. During law school she was a nurse and a mother. She really seemed to love her experience so I thought that I would try it. The second was my Spanish professor. She said that she wished she’d taken time before becoming a lawyer as it was rigorous work that she was not ready for due to family situations but she felt that teaching prepares you for the responsibility as others are truly depending on you. It teaches responsibility.

Now this third plan just kind of came to me in a dream, a daydream anyway, while I was sitting at DCCC flipping through a course catalog: why not taking classes there after I graduate to become a paralegal? I mean, it’s like 10 more classes and it’s pretty good money. I would be able to do that while taking night classes at a law school…I’m now thinking Temple. As of now, this is the plan. I really need to pray about it.

Today, I was sitting in the sun room and realized that I had included God in passing in these decisions but had not truly consulted my Heavenly Father. Ummmmm, yea, not the best idea ya know? I really need to ask God what He wants me to do and where to go for that matter.

Initially, my radar was set for Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. Gorgeous setting and Christ-centered law curriculum. Who could ask for anything more? Right about now, I am thinking child care. While I have no doubts in taking my kiddo to VA, I still need to look into a couple of things and weigh my options. I need to find out what is best for him.

As for schools, I’ve requested information from Villanova, Temple, Widener and Liberty. I don’t know what will come of any of this but I’m still excited about it all.

Can’t believe it is time to start looking. Time flies when you’re having fun

πŸ™‚

Ooooooh LSAT. Gotta look about some practice ones and maybe prep classes. Although, I do not believe one can be sufficiently prepared for a standardized test…just a thought

Bachelorette Party!!!

So this is it, why I’m not dating anyone while I am in college.

When I was 15 I’d gotten pregnant by a boy who I thought was the end-all-be-all for me. Long story short, HAHAHAHAHA no. We don’t even talk anymore.

College hit, another E-A-B-A situation….yea. Nope. Not at all. “I love you, I like her”

The following year after my college fling, I hooked up with a dude I went to high school with, we were not official but we were “exclusively waiting til we graduated to see what happened.” I was the only one exclusive there. Now his ex and I are pretty good friends. My friends say that I always do that, become friends with the person that a guy has cheated on me with…no reason not to if she didn’t know I was there.

Eeeeenyway. All of these situations have one thing in common: God was not there. These relationships were solely focused on each other and that is really not the way to go. As people we are incomplete, there is a desire for more that we filled with earthly things. For me, it was relationships with guys. For some it may be drugs, alcohol, school, work, anything that can distract you from the pain of emptiness. We are all empty and searching for fulfillment.

I’m finding mine in Christ. I LOVE HIM!!!! He is the only thing that can really give you what you want and NEED without consequence. With guys, there was pregnancy and heartbreak that still lingers occasionally. Because of the pain of one relationship, I was unable to be stable in another hurting another person and myself even more, and then being hurt by them too. In the one that followed, I was lead by someone who made me believe they would never hurt me only to find that they did exactly what they said they would not do. But honestly, God prepared me for this one. He knew it was time to make a change.

Around this same time, my friend showed me the verse 1 Corinthians 7:32b (I guess it would be considered b) saying that the unmarried person concerns themselves with the things of the Lord, learning how to please Him…did my actions please God? Were my relationship blessed? Why did I get into them at all? Were they fillers? Something to think about. I realized that what I’d been doing was wrong and I had to get back with my first Love, my God, My Jesus.

A partial person cannot be satisfied with another partial person…it just does not work that way.

Another reason I am not dating in college is because it is REALLY hard to study when you are on the phone talking about EVERYTHING all the livelong day. I mean, really? Why do we have to talk so much? I’m neglecting my homework. Why aren’t you telling me to do my homework? That is somethings I was always weird about. I made sure guys did their homework and were held accountable and blah, blah, blah but that never seemed to happen for me…except that one time but ummm, that turned out badly too. Funny. I need the time to concentrate on myself and what I need to accomplish. To set boundaries and understand what I can and cannot do. Why do my grades have to be bad because I am dating someone? I mean, that’s bad!!!! Do you really want to marry someone who cannot maintain? Probably not.

I tend to lose track of myself. I begin to take care of everyone but me. Family, baby and boyfriend/friends. I’m not on that list anywhere. I get knocked out of my own priorities. Not good at all. Gotta get it together. Plus, I should not have to take care of someone. We should be mutually looking out for one another so no one is being babied. Oy, getting a headache just thinking about it. There have been times when I was stressed unto sickness over someone. That’s a no no.

Hope this made sense. It’s late, I’m tired but kind of wanted to get this out so I would not have to think about it, then forget about it, etc.

So, in short, I guess there it is. I’d made the promise not to date in college once, fell off of the wagon and jumped back on with renewed purpose. I want to know God and be fulfilled in Him, not having to seek the comfort and love of another but know that I am secure in my Father in Heaven.

He loves me and I want to serve Him wholeheartedly with EVERYTHING I do

Colossians 3:23

(I’ll get into why this is so titled another time…that’s bad journalism man! I know better than that but oh well)

Whether it be eating or drinking…

…do it to the glory of God (roughly, 1 Corinthians 10:31). Ok, I get that, but what do I do? I mean, I really have not thought of myself as talented in any specific way really. I sing…but who doesn’t? I can write…but not well, well not in my opinion anyway. Really, other than those two, I do not feel that there is much to me. This isn’t like a low self-esteem rant because if one thing is true about me, it is that I do NOT have low self-esteem πŸ™‚

I’m surrounded by these people, so beautiful and talented ministering to God and others so blatantly with what they do but what about me? What do I do? That’s a legitimate question. Where do I fall in this great cavern of Christians who love and serve the Lord. What is my mission….oh wait, let me clarify once again.

Not like a Purpose Driven Life sort of thing but more like because well, fear God and keep His commandments, the conclusion of the whole matter (Ecclesiastes 12:13) but like what do I do? What is my ministry? Does everyone know what theirs is while they are performing it? For instance, a mother is a minister to her child. That ministry is often taken for granted as is that of a father to his family. Still, ministries nonetheless?

Mundane? That is fine. I would not mind if that were my main ministry, being a mommy but I often wonder if there is more that I should be doing.

Life

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